There are a lot of really strong contenders for the title of worst
company in America. Walmart, Bank of America, Ticketmaster and Carnival Cruise
Lines have all consistently delivered exquisitely horrible experiences to the
American consumer, and their contributions to the national anxiety level must
not be underestimated. But there is one firm that truly stands out — a
company so horrendous the very mention of its name causes body tremors and
facial constrictions. I refer, ladies and gentlemen, to Comcast, which
seems to take as its motto, If you do a thing, do it as
badly as possible.
According to Comsumerist’s annual reader poll to nominate
the Worst Companies In America, Comcast is the best at being the worst. The cable company has
won the Golden Poo award for the second time, excelling in awfulness in an
industry dominated by companies that treat their customers to a never-ending
pile of crap.
In a recent article,
“Three Possible Reasons That Everyone Hates Comcast,” Gene Marks cites the
monopolistic hugeness of the company, the helplessness of customers caught in
the jaws of the behemoth, and customer service representatives whose typical
profile is “a podunk from God-knows-where humiliatingly walk[s] you through a
condescending set of instructions from 2006 starting with ‘please disconnect
your router, wait 3 minutes, then reconnect.’”
Just listen to the now-famous recording of customer Ryan Block attempting to
disconnect his service, only to encounter a refugee from a Kafka novel on the
other end of the line whose marching orders apparently include attempting to
slowly drive Block out of his mind by the tried-and-true methods of badgering,
obstinacy and circular argument.
The horror of Comcast has produced a whole genre of corporate
backlash, from the aptly named comcastmustdie.com, a website dedicated to exposing “a vast,
greedy, blundering, tone-deaf corporate colossus,” to the I Hate Comcast Facebook page. From the mountains to the
prairies, Americans have been documenting the wonder of their hellish
experiences and the depth of their hate.
Never a firm to rest on
its laurels, Comcast has sought to amplify its atrociousness by announcing a
proposed merger in February 2014 with Time Warner Cable, a rival in the
corporate-sadist category. The companies are hoping to combine their strengths
in bad service, shady business practices and customer predation to create a
television and Internet monstrosity such as the world has never seen. If the
deal goes through, Comcast will capture a third of the cable and satellite
market and half of the bundled video/Internet market in its tentacles, allowing
it to take its loathsomeness to new and unimagined heights.
Dear Comcast,
Please disconnect your company, wait 3
minutes, and go to hell.
Sincerely,
America
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